Bullies!
First and foremost let me say two things. I have not yet seen the movie Bully. I am not saying that the problem of bullies in school is not worse now than in the past. I simply want to make a few observations. For those of you that do not know it, I am a father of grown children. I now drive a school bus for a living. I have seen some things that give me pause for concern over the last thirty years that I have called myself an adult.Bullies are the same now as they were when I was the nerd kid in school. They are one of the reasons I dropped out of school. They were not, by any stretch of the imagination, the only reason. Bullies play on the insecurities and weakness of others. I have noticed one major difference that has given bullies the upper hand. They have an advantage that they do not deserve and we, as a society are capable of taking it away.
I will give you the reader, one example of this advantage. Several years back my youngest son, being a rough and tumble kind of kid had broken his hand. Now, my son rode the school bus home and much like most schools now, the bus area was not supervised by any school personnel. This was left to the bus drivers. At this particular school, the bus drivers were required to stand outside their buses to keep an eye out for the kids. My son was already on the bus and was attacked from behind by another student. Left with no alternative, Thomas defended himself. The disturbance got the attention of the driver, and both boys were taken to the principal. I was called and told simply, that my son was in a fight on the bus and was being suspended from school. As a parent, I supported the school in their decision to punish even my child, if he had done something wrong. I went to the school the next day after I heard my sons side of the story. The assistant principal of the school informed me that he had spoken to witnesses that morning and things were as I had been told. His reaction to this was to reduce my sons suspension to just two days instead of three. He said "we have a zero tolerance for fighting here". I explained that even by the statements of witnesses my son had merely defended himself. I was told that did not matter. Now I will not bore you with details, but I did not let this stand. My son was attacked by a bully. He defended himself and was going to be punished! How does that work again?
As a bus driver I have seen with my own eyes a special needs child bullied by other students. I also saw and heard other students explain immediately that this would not be accepted. No punches were thrown and the child seemed OK with the way things turned out. I chose not to interfere. I stand by my actions.
"Zero Tolerance" is several things in my mind. It is not a way to reduce violence in our schools or anyplace else. It gives bullies another tool to use to intimidate and torture those that they perceive as weaker. The policy has become a more and more the accepted way to deal with fights in school. "Zero Tolerance" has become a reason for normally intelligent people to not think. OK. Lets break this down a little bit. "Zero Tolerance"does not, for the most part, mean "Zero Tolerance" for the kids that beats your kid to a pulp because he is different. It is for being "involved in a fight". This way we do not have to place blame. Guess what! Some times it is somebodies fault. Punish the person that did something wrong.
So let us understand this completely. If your child has gone to adults seeking help because he is being picked on and the situation is not resolved, or there is no way for your child to get to an adult, he or she can not defend them self with out being punished. This, is "Zero Tolerance". So, to keep their children out of trouble parents must teach their children not to defend themselves. The "bully"on the other hand, just has to wait until no one is looking to torment a "weaker" child. The child goes to an adult and reports it. The bully is chastised and told not to do it again. Gee, can we guess how well that works?
I am going to be a bit blunt now, so be prepared.
Children are taking their own lives, because they are being bullied and they can do nothing about it. Many have asked for help and gotten nothing. Parents try to get help for their kids and are given nothing. Stand up, dammit! Refuse to take this any more. Teach your children to defend themselves. Teach them that as a "last resort" it is ok if they hit back. Stand behind your child if they are forced to defend themselves. When a bully discovers your kid will not be an easy target, they will move on. Encourage you friends to do the same thing. We need to have our own "zero tolerance policy". We should not tolerate our school systems turning kids into victims. We should not tolerate our children being punished for defending themselves if the system fails them. I for one will stand up and say "no more children can be allowed to die"! I will not stand by any longer and allow a "bully" to ruin another child's chances of living a full life.
We have let our guards down and in the process, we have let our children down. Stand up and say "NO MORE".
