I should have known better. It was two weeks till Christmas and to top that there was the impending apocalypse. Ok there was a prediction of an inch of snow the next day and people were stocking up like they had already seen the four horsemen. For some reason with all of this I decided I needed to go to a major retail store. What was I thinking? Had I taken complete leave of all my senses? I think it is all to be blamed on the weatherman. I had seen the forecast for Monday. The high temperature is supposed to be in the teens. I decided I needed some insulated bib over-alls. Please no comments about the fashion mistake that is “bib over-alls”. I have mentioned before, I am getting older and need the protection from the cold. So off to the afore mentioned retail store I went.
Some of you may not know I drive a Twenty year old station wagon which I have named Moby the great white whale. Driving this great North American land barge into retail parking lots is sometimes an adventure. Yesterday the parking lot was very crowded due to the season and the upcoming apocalypse and all. We did however manage to find a space in the north forty that would accommodate Moby. The walk to the store was fairly un-eventful other than my unfortunate choice in foot wear. Crocks and socks are not good for rainy cold days.
As I entered the store I noticed the door mat inside. I started for the mat to wipe the water from my shoes so as not to track it through the store and as a preventive measure lest I fall on my old behind. The distance to the mat from the door was about four feet which I slid waving my arms franticly in an attempt to maintain balance. I did not fall and my shoes were now free of water. The comments in the background made me snicker a bit. Did you see that old guy almost fall? Oh my, the poor old man out and about all alone. My favorite was by the department Manager that just happened along. Move that runner closer to the door before we get sued by some old fart.
The shopping or as my wife calls it retail therapy could now begin. I went straight to the department I needed and started looking for my bib over-alls. Then I remembered my folly. I am above average height. In this particular retail store that in itself normally means I was out of luck. This was a completely normal situation. Now I am no giant I am just above average in height and a bit on the portly side. So I headed out of the store the same way I came in. The gauntlet of whispers by the entrance was hilarious. One teenage worker actually looked like he was ready to catch me if I fell.
Back out in the parking lot the first thing I did was step in a puddle. Now I have cold and wet feet. Neither this nor the sound of a horn honking dampened my resolve. I felt sure the man in the red and white lifted pick-up truck from his vantage could see all the cars in front of him. He still thought that honking his horn would hurry things along. Possibly if the stooped over old woman with the walker had slipped and fallen in the rain he would have been satisfied. Probably not.
I did go to another store and I am here to tell you it was a wonderful experience there. This store I will in fact name and brag about. I went to the farm and home store in Alton, Illinois. I found a parking place close to the store and went inside. The door runner was close enough that I was able to wipe my feet without the acrobatic display of balance. I again went straight to the department I needed and found a very good selection of insulated bib over-alls. The young lady that waited on me was very polite and friendly. She in fact went out of her way to help me and the other customers I saw her encounter. In general the store was clean and well stocked. I even looked around for gift ideas for my family. I am not now nor have I ever been a paid representative of Farm and Home supply. They are however a wonderful example that sometimes a smaller company still remembers the customer.
All in all I still think that shopping is an activity for someone other than me. I have however proven that I can do it when needed. Maybe someday soon I will branch out into groceries. Not a chance!
